I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
