Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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