it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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