so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
