Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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