A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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