I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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