Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
