he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
