I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
