took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
