Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
