I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
