You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
