I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
