I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
