I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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