her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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