Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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