Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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