Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
