Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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