I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think i got beer on your cat.
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