i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
