I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
