You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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