just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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