Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
