i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
