At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
