dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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