Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
