So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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