Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
