I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
