I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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