My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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