I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
