OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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