Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
