My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Randomize
