im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
