dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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