Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
