Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
