im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
