i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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