So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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