My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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