I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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