how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
is it fun? or sober?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
