I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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